True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
