she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
