Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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