I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
