I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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