hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Do you have feelings for this penis?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
