cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
