i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
