On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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