So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
