Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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