check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
