well I can't set my house on fire every night
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
