Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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