I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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