Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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