So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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