The maid of honor just puked.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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