Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
