Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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