It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
