Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
