Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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