she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
