walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
