just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
