I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
