I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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