Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
