Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Ladies don't puke and tell
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
