what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
