I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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