Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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