I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
