Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
