just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Is Oprah even human
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
