If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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