No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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