escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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