At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
