that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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