In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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