And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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