her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
