yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
