dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
