She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
