Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
