WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
