just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
