i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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