My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
