Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
