i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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