I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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