dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
