does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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