Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
